My kid is failing again...

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luvepiphany	My kid is failing again...	Lead	[-]
Posts: 1082 (04/23/08 20:52) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None AGAIN! he didn't do any work in history for 3 weeks..... I talked with him about it and I tried but he kept telling me that he was doing history, answering questions and yes, turning it in. EACH DAY. I supported, reinforced but quit doing it with him. He lost his tutor....and I guess he just quit. I'm so mad. pissed F-ING pissed. I asked him each day if he needed help, if he was going to be ahead before vacation, if he was keeping up... warned him all the time that he had to keep getting the work in now he's turned into the principal, emails sent, call home, I'll get a letter tomorrow.... I told him that he Will be held back and yes, I also told him that he won't Get Anything from me So, yes, he's lazy and snotty and obviously I suck at being a parent. I have been letting him not do chores a lot of the time so that he could work. he lied to me and told me he was workiing. My kid is a liar. What am I? defeated. I just don't have it in me to do all that needs to be done. So, what do I do? I don't know....guess I just do the next right thing and take him to the internet school for his stupid state testing then go get him and sit down with him and do his work with him. I honestly don't have it in me though.... I guess I should say, "Thanks for letting me vent" but really I guess I'm asking for prayers. I don't want to flip out on him anymore or say anything mean anymore. I'm tired of it. I took away his cell, laptop(it's broken anyway or something) took away his pens, his spray paint, his xbox... I guess I could take away his bedroom and make him move outside.... luv
butterflyxo		#1	[-]
Posts: 1347 (04/23/08 21:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Luv, you are not a bad parent at all!!! I don't really know what to say on this kinda issue with your kid, but is there another option of schooling for him? You've pobaly said before, I just forgot. Dr. Phil says to take everything out of their room except for a mattress, pillow & blanket. They don't have their games & so on..maybe they'll actually think about things..I don't know. Boot camp..put the fear of God in em'..lol You're in my prayers Luv..I can't imagine how hard it must be to try & control an unruley teenage kid. ((((HUGS)))) Lisa Damaged people are dangerous, because they know they can survive.
luvepiphany		#2	[-]
Posts: 1083 (04/23/08 22:16) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thank you butterfly. I really think it's much like dealing with the addict.... They won't ask for help They tell you everything is fine They lie and say they are doing things they aren't getting done You keep on helping them because you don't want them to fail You keep getting looked at like you are a bad person because someone you love is a Flake You are looked at like you have something wrong with you because you can't fix it They get mad at you when you say NO and STOP and I Won't Help You Anymore You Have To Do It Yourself, You Have To Want It, You Have To Work At It..... then I can choose whether or not I want to deal with it unfortunately, my kid is only 14 and he isn't doing anything illegal and he doesn't have a dis-ease or anything that can be treated really.... I was going to let him go back to school but the problem is, he can't or won't do the work so he shouldn't go to high school because kids that are like him get in trouble 9 times out of 10. sucks luv
Nobody nose		#3	[-]
Posts: 1 (04/23/08 22:36) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Last Edited By: Nobody nose 04/23/08 22:51. Edited 1 times.
pcejp		#4	[-]
Posts: 245 (04/23/08 22:39) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Luv, vent away. Can so relate. First of all--you are a great parent! My oldest son was/is an overachiever. An "A" wasn't good enough for him. He had to have the highest "A" in the class. My son Jay barely graduated and slid through school doing only the bare minimum to pass. Did I raise either boy differently? No, they were raised the same. Just different personalities that were their own since birth. I can certainly feel your frustration as your son still has a long way to go with his schooling. Hopefully, he will find his niche with what he wants to do with his life as an adult that will serve as the carrot dangling in front of him to help him obtain his education. With Jay, he knew he had to graduate to obtain his goal of joining the service. Thinking of you. Somehow you will survive this phase of his life. Take care and remember you are a great mom. Cathy Work like the pay doesn't matter; love like you've never been hurt; and dance like nobody's watching. There's no day but today.
TnSkye		#5	[-]
Posts: 7653 (04/23/08 22:52) Co-Admin&Dopeless Hope Addict Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Luv, if you figure it out, let me know. I've tried grounding, taking away the phone, computer, games. When that failed, I tried to start with positive reinforcement, meaning I'd reward her for the work she did. That failed. So, now I've got the dog. If she doesn't bring her grades up to passing, then I told her I'm taking the dog back. She "pretends" to be studying but rolls her eyes when I mention it. I'm about ready to fall back on my daddy's favorite Bible verse: Spare the rod, spoil the child. email me at crystalrecoverycommittee@yahoo.com Some days you're the dog some day you're the hydrant. - Unknown
Guene		#6	[-]
Posts: 8856 (04/23/08 23:47) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Oh my god, I could write a book about all the sh*t I went through with both my kids Luvie. Listen Luvie, your a good mom, I was a good mom, kids just act up sometimes, and it's hard to know why, but maybe you should get him into a counselor why he's still young enough, that's what I would do, he's acting out for some reason, somethings bugging him and you need to find out what it is, Your not doing a bad job, we didn't do a bad job, our kids just did what they wanted to do. Love Ya Bobbie "A Thoughtful act or a kind word may pass in a moment, but the warmth and care behind it stay in the heart forever." Marjoien Bastin
luvepiphany		#7	[-]
Posts: 1086 (04/24/08 03:56) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	pray for me please, I'm going to go help him.... I do not want to be at his throat within 2 minutes again. I just want it to go smoothly..... luv
Guene		#8	[-]
Posts: 8864 (04/24/08 21:05) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Luvie you have all my prayers, but something is not working for him, he's either acting out or there's a deeper problem. Sometimes we all need help and a counselor might be able to figure out what it is. It's just an idea. Love You Bobbie "A Thoughtful act or a kind word may pass in a moment, but the warmth and care behind it stay in the heart forever." Marjoien Bastin
luvepiphany		#9	[-]
Posts: 1088 (04/24/08 21:14) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I've been listening to you Bobbie and don't think I don't start looking in the phone book every time you mention it and then I ask around and try to get him to communicate with teachers and the youth group leaders at church etc.. I'm looking. It's really a lot about me though...I get freaked out very quickly still when he acts like an idiot or like a jerky teenager and rolls his eyes at me or says "OK!" in a snotty way. Or when he tells me he's working but he has nothing on the computer but myspace or itunes. Or when he says he sent an email (assignment) and then we look at his email history and there's nothing there....I ask him why he lied to me.... and he keeps trying to deny.... just like the freakin addict x....and you know, it's my problem that I freak out so badly over it. It's like a switch is flipped in me and all sorts of adrenaline and stuff starts rolling in me and I start swearing like someone with turrets syndrome because I'm so mad that he's lying to me. It's a lot of my problem too... I am trying so hard to be patient with him and have my own self control.... I'm also still looking for that counselor. Seems like I have so much to do though....too much. much too much to do still. Thank you for keeping me reminded though. I am thinking on it and looking. luv
butterflyxo		#10	[-]
Posts: 1370 (04/24/08 21:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Well, I just believe that you can be pushed so far with anything. And futhermore..I don't think that you're the problem Luv..if he knows that you think that, well IMO..it'll get worse honey. You need to stop taking the blame for things that you didn't do & make those that are to blame take some responsibility for themselves! Lisa Damaged people are dangerous, because they know they can survive.
luvepiphany		#11	[-]
Posts: 1089 (04/24/08 22:28) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Oh don't worry butterfly I've done my share of blaming others without seeing my part in it all I told my son that we had to find a counselor for him and he said Why? He doesn't need that I said, "Because you are failing in school, lying to your mom and teachers about it etc." and he said, "You Need a Counselor!" I just agreed....no argument there. I humbly agree that all people who live with what I live with could benefit from counseling. Fact is though, both he and I are both procrastinators and stuck in our ways and we both have too much to do. I think it's a good thing that I instilled in my kids that we don't have to Do Everything.....but teenagers like to inflate that ideal and do nothing if it pleases them. I really don't know how people do it all...Life Is Too Busy! luv
demodebi		#12	[-]
Posts: 70 (04/25/08 00:49) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	You are a good mom.....some mom's wouldn't even worry....trust me my daughter is one of them... One thing I did is MAKE my kids sit at the table for 1 hour a night....they always said they had NO HOMEWORK...fine read the paper, write a letter, I DON'T GIVE A CRAP.....usuallly then they would have homework.... it worked...... I'm going thru the lying with my 13 yr old granddaughter and stealing big time now....it's just old habits from her lifestyle with mom...but it is to the point the social worker came out and had a very stern talk with her.....and told her that SHE WILL BE MOVED.... I'll try to give an update later..... hang in there....but just remember if kids don't learn there are consequences to their actions now then they won't know it when they are older... God, listen to me....HA....I've raised the classic meth/alcohol/drug addict...I am such a good mother....duh...
luvepiphany		#13	[-]
Posts: 1092 (04/25/08 02:08) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi Debi, I read your post over there and I'm with ya. I was kind of wishfully hoping that you would just have a nice easy time of it with the grandkids....seems like sometimes I sort of expect too many miracles-HA! Keep doing what you do! That's another good idea and funny too....I have got to learn to act smarter than the kid. I'll do that this eve. Problem is with internet school though is that I can't take away his computer when he's not doing his schoolwork-it is his school But I'll still make him sit and I'll sit with him....just keep my mouth shut and see if he wants to show me some good homework skills. We have this vacation coming up and I keep using it as a threat...and a reward. He really had fun with one of the internet school teachers today after the testing they were doing. They talked all about Seinfeld episodes. It's soo good when men take interest in him and it gives him motivation to do well in school. No dad is a big deal in kids' lives-I understand and having both parents gone or in trauma, it's gotta be doubly tough. Just keepin on luv
Posting Goddess		#14	[-]
Posts: 324 (04/25/08 08:51) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	luv, my kids were both raised in the same house by a single mom, just like you, and both turned out very differently. My son was an excellent student until 8th grade (age 13-14). It was at that time that he suddenly became lazy and bored with it all. He was very intelligent and made good grades when he felt like it, though. I tried everything known to mankind to motivate him. Of course, when he started using drugs in high school, I had a bigger fight on my hands. My daughter, on the other hand, was always full steam ahead in her studies; I never ever had a problem with her not doing homework. She was usually doing extra work. I don't know the answer to your problems with your son, unfortunately. I did follow the Dr. Phil advice, though, with my son and that was before he was known...I took everything out of his room but for his bed, dresser and desk; I ever removed the door from its hinges. Keep plugging, kiddo. This is a tough period.
Guene		#15	[-]
Posts: 8865 (04/25/08 09:07) Moderator Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I'm so happy your listening Luvie, Mike and I took our kids to family counselor once and it helped all of us to see things we were blinded to see. Bruce had his problems, but he out grew them and moved on, Jamie will that's a whole another story, we tried everything with her but she just fought us at every turn. Some kids get it some don't, but I learned that it wasn't me, I did everything right, she just didn't want to do what was right, so please know that's it's not your fault. Love Bobbie "A Thoughtful act or a kind word may pass in a moment, but the warmth and care behind it stay in the heart forever." Marjoien Bastin
luvepiphany		#16	[-]
Posts: 1095 (04/25/08 10:03) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I think I will make some more changes with his school area... He's as messy as I am so that's going to be tough. He's working sort of well today.... then the printer quit printing when I was helping him on science and I flipped and had to leave the house. When I asked him what he did to the printer he of course said, "NOTHING! sometimes things break all by themselves..." yeah right.... like his laptop that's in the shop and every other expensive electronic item he's had.... it's crazy.... Yes Bobbie, I'm all ears! I did drive by a counseling center that I hadn't seen before that looks appealing... luv
luvepiphany		#17	[-]
Posts: 1096 (04/25/08 19:45) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Oh man.....he got dropped from English. The wonderful teacher was sad to say goodby and hoped he would keep his optimistic disposition and keep working hard. What a bummer.....He was dropped for not doing the work 2 months in a row. Even though he'd sent her emails..... I get so depressed about this stuff. How do you not feel miserable for the kids? I didn't do his work for/with him anymore......so, yes, it's partly my fault. crap. I feel like I should leave him home from vacation, but actually, he's out of English so it doesn't really matter. Still has science, history and math to do on the laptop while we're gone. Vacation isn't really vacation as much as it is going to see caligirl and hopefully even meet her mom before she passes...though, she's not very lucent anymore. Also it's to pack up my son's dorm at college. So, it's really rather important to go. Such heavy decisions about school when there are such more important things in the world.... luv
Just Ol Ma		#18	[-]
Posts: 706 (04/25/08 21:01) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	OK, stop beating yourself and the kid...he's NORMAL. He doesn't do his homework because like all 14 year olds he already knows everything. He lies about doing the homework and turning it in because he wants to keep things 'cool' and not be in trouble. Kids don't think long term, it's moment to moment with them. They believe they are indestructible and that tomorrow never comes, unless of course they have tickets to a rock concert. Start 'dumbing down'...He's out of English so dumb down when speaking with him, it's gonna piss him off and he's not going to like it a bit when you tell him you are practicing for the future since he won't have the verbal skillls beyond his current grade. Any math you can insert, explain every bit like he's a three year old just learning numbers, once again, it's gonna piss him off, and he won't like the explanation but the message will definitely get across. Present everything as you going through the learning process so as to be able to communicate with him in the future. That way it's you being the 'dumb one', and him being stuck in the words and actions of a 14 year old...I can almost guarantee after a few days it won't look so attractive to him any more. As for the computer, lock it down...you can restrict his choices of sites to visit, so it'll either be school work or very few other choices, maybe research sites. No Myspace then. I don't know how big your printer is, but remove it from his space until he informs you he has something to print. Only takes a moment to see what's there and the print process gets started. It's obvious he needs a male influence in his life, so check into Big Brothers for him...the possibilities he will be exposed to will have an enormous impact on his reactions and responses. Reward and punishment works but long range rewards often don't...so more immediate rewards are in order. An hour on Myspace for a days assignments done, a trip to the mall, include a friend... Ask him about goals, long range and immediate ones. See if he can't HELP you devise a plan to achieve some of those goals. Kids at his age feel like they can control very little in their lives. They also feel they should not only control their own lives but also the lives of others...give him something he can be in control of...and don't let him get away without doing his chores...chores do not interfere with school work. If he says they do, he's blowing smoke up your butt. Let him know that your's is not on fire so no smoke is needed. Oh by the way, since I am hearing a very normal kid, you can't be that bad a mom.
luvepiphany		#19	[-]
Posts: 1097 (04/25/08 22:40) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Thanks Ma. He told me that my stupid computer deleted his long English assignment.... His computer was slow and his laptop was broken so he used my computer and somehow it deleted all his work.... yes, it's BS. I couldn't help but flip out on that one....I've talked with him over and over about if he can't do something, he needs to ask for help because excuses are not going to be believed by anyone.... I think the Big Brother idea is very good. I just need to do it! I'm not sure why I haven't with either of the boys....must be something to do with me not wanting outside help, but knowing it's important. I know that if I were more organized, he would be also. I'll help him with his science lab when he gets home from testing and then go clean out his school area AGAIN and keep him going on the classes he has left....I'll treat him like he's a 12 yr old although he acts like he's 2 sometimes.... I did ask him if he thought he might need to go live in a mental institution.... he said no. I have a skateboard, xbox, box of sharpies, cell phone and something else I can't remember in my closet right now. Pretty ridiculous. ONWARD I GO! not gonna let it take me down luv
TnSkye		#20	[-]
Posts: 7658 (04/25/08 22:44) Co-Admin&Dopeless Hope Addict Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	I know, Luv. I'm right there with you. I can't seem to find anything to impact her. I've even told her that the state will intervene. Nothing works. She's always slow to start back after Christmas, but this is ridiculous! email me at crystalrecoverycommittee@yahoo.com Some days you're the dog some day you're the hydrant. - Unknown

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