New to here and need some support

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morganmist	New to here and need some support	Lead	[-]
Posts: 8 (02/19/07 11:24) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Tags : None Hey there everyone! I was surfing thru and trying to find a place where I maybe could get some support. So.... here I am! My thing is.... the way my husband and I met was with meth.... We got together, and have been for 2 1/2 years. I am now 7 1/2 months pregnant, and we swore sobriety ever since we found out. I've been good; thinking about it, but not doing it. But, him... well... I was cleaning today, and came across our old stash that he said he threw out. And, the pipe is dirty. For a couple of weeks, I've been thinking that he's been acting spun, and asked him. He admitted that he slipped once, but thats it. So, he's been lying to me. It's hard to stay clean when you're partner isn't, cuz it's in your face. I'm sooooo mad. I don't know what to do. I'm an addict, so I KNOW how damn hard it is, but I'm carrying his daughter. I guess it's easy for him to do it because his actions aren't hurting the kiddo, and if I do... well, it goes straight to her. I'm babbling. But, you guys get the picture. What the hell do I do????? What the hell do I do... I CAN NOT live with it. I can't. I don't want to end up like the people I've been around.... high with their kid around the house. But I love him. Damn.....
TnSkye	Re: New to here and need some support	#1	[-]
Posts: 8031 (02/19/07 12:00) Co-Admin&Dopeless Hope Addict Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Welcome to Crystal Recovery Family Forums and congratulations on your new addition. Hopefully you will take steps that will help you to stay clean after the baby gets here. I wasn't a meth addict, but I did live that life. No, it's no place for a baby, a child of any age. You can love him. But you are going to have to do what is best for you and your baby. Unfortunately, there is not one set of rules that applies to everyone. You have to figure what works for you along the way. This site has some very helpful self-help info. Hopefully you will consider meetings or maybe even therapy. I believe that we all have underlying issues that lead us to addictions and that these problems must be dealt with in order to keep from turning back to drugs. Also, if you find that all else fails and you must leave and have no place to go, there are rehabs out there for pregnant women/women with children. Don't give up and don't give in. You can do this. There are resources and there are people who care. You and your baby are worth a life without drugs. I hope we'll see you around more. Lisa crystalrecoverycommittee@yahoo.com meth_no_more@yahoo.com
TerryCa	Re: New to here and need some support	#2	[-]
Posts: 3615 (02/19/07 14:58) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Morganmist, Welcome! It sounds like you are committed to doing All That You Can to have a healthy baby. I pray that you continue that route until atleast after the baby is born. The baby deserves all the best opportunities for good health. I don't think that I saw that you and/or your husband are working any program to recover from using meth. Will you consider it? I'm just a mother of an addict. She abstains from meth, occassionally, but finds it very hard to recover from the addiction without working some type of program. Thank you for reaching out for answers. Your baby will appreciate it! Hugs Terry
morganmist	Oops	#3	[-]
Posts: 8 (02/20/07 03:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	So, I just realized that I put my topic, question, whatever, in the wrong area... sorry about that! Anyway, thanks for your suggestions and what-not. And yes, I have tried the meetings, and all that, and they weren't for me. I know that that sound like I don't WANT to talk to people/seek help, etc... but that's not true. I loathed myself every time I took a hit off that pipe. Then forgot about it for a few hours... then hated myself all over again. But, the little girl in my belly saved my life, I believe. Also, I have great friends who dropped everything to help me. Granted, I do have the "dreams", think about it, etc... but I refuse. I don't know what the future holds, but everytime I feel her try to stick her little butt out so it makes my belly very lumpy in odd places, or she decided to jazzerscise, (sp?) I know that NOW, just for NOW I don't even want to see it. And speaking of seeing it.... I confronted hubby last night. He apologized and all that jazz... but I got the impression that he apologized because he was caught. I guess hes been using the products at his job to trade for it. Food for not eating for a few days, right? I don't know..... I don't know what to do..... We talked, and I cried and he got quiet because he made me cry again. I ended up feeling like hes going to resent me and the baby and I got scared. DAMMIT! I don't know what to do. And I find it funny that tweekers feel that they have the ability to hide it from other tweekers. I knew right off the bat that he had started again. I just thought it was all in my mind. HA! Your first intuition is always the best, right? I'm a tweeker. There for, I know. Even strangers, I can tell. Okay, I must go and stuff my face. Whooo hooo! Thats the one thing I take SO MUCH pleasure in now... FOOD. Pregnancy and soberness ROCKS. Have a good day all!
TnSkye	Re: Oops	#4	[-]
Posts: 8031 (02/21/07 07:10) Co-Admin&Dopeless Hope Addict Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Eh, you can post wherever you want to. No biggie. Meetings aren't for everybody. Not all meetings are the same either so I hope that if you ever have another chance to try a different one, you will consider it. You may be right about him resenting you and the baby. You are threatening his addiction and I'm sure you know how terrifying that can be to someone who isn't ready to give it up. Meth has made him a nice, comfortable world where he is king and anything that threatens to take that away or make it less pleasureable is to be considered enemy. One thing you can try is journaling. I use an online journal. It amazes me at how far I've come in the last 2-3 years. Writing every thing down helps to release it. You surely don't need to keep anything bottled up. Lisa crystalrecoverycommittee@yahoo.com meth_no_more@yahoo.com
morganmist	damn.....	#5	[-]
Posts: 8 (02/21/07 14:37) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	If I knew that I wouldn't get kicked off this thing for cussing a lot, I would use the most foul language ever. He's been high all day. Spun off his skinny little a$$. No sober person would grind and play with his teeth as much as he did today. Among other things, but that's -- He's out of the shower. Bye
morganmist	Ok	#6	[-]
Posts: 8 (02/22/07 11:32) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	As I'm typing this, my little girl is kicking the crap out of the waist band of my pants. I think she hates it when anything is pressing on her. Like, when I'm trying to sleep, she gets mad at the pillow that I have to rest my belly on so I can be comfortable. She tries to beat it up, I think. Its funny. And, I think, I wonder if she is actually thinking about that? Like, "Why the hell is this thing pressing on me?? Cut it out!" You know? And it's not like I can ask her in a few years when she can talk. Although that would be cool. Anyway, I also wonder if my husband thinks I'm as stupid as hes acting like I am. He actually had the balls to tell me that the reason he wasn't in bed with me last night was because he woke up (not that he was in bed with me at all) around 3 am because he was hungry. So, in turn, after he ate, he wasn't tired, so he stayed up till about 6. I wonder if he actually thinks that I believe him. Because, you see, I'm really that FU#@&G BLIND! Really! I am. I don't have about 4 years experience telling my mom crap like that. No. Not at all. "Yeah, mom, I rearranged my room in the middle of the night because I couldn't sleep. Really!" I liked the fact that I worked at a holistic store in the natural herbal remedy section. I know all about herbs and their helpful uses and what not, so I used gensing as an excuse a lot, and my mom totally dug it. You know, "I know I should go to bed, mom, but I downed a whole vile of that crap, so I really need to write about 79 pages in my journal. I know I'm writing a lot, but I have alot of pent up crap. Uh, yeah." And she just took it like that. But, see.... I was the one dishing it out. I'm not the blind one that will just take it as you tell me. I was the QUEEN of excuses about my hyper-activity, teeth grinding, obsessive writing, obsessive cleaning, not eating, weight loss, soars on my face, etc, all that jazz. Any excuse you tell me, I've already used it 4 times over. -----And, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying this like I'm PROUD of it, all, "I'm the MAN BABY!" type thing... I'm saying that I f@%ed over anyone I could so I could get/be high all the time. Any lame excuse I could think of, I used. So, don't tell me that the reason you're not hungry is because you ate a bowl of cereal while I was at work. The reason you're on the damn internet for 8 hours straight playing chess is because it's a good game. I'M NOT STUPID. And there are so many other things! For one, he's Native American.... beautiful brown skin that I hope to God my daughter gets. Not pasty white like me. But, when your beautiful brown skin turns grey, and bags are under your eyes and your cheeks are sunken in in the matter of a week, give me a good damn excuse for that. sigh I think what pisses me off the most about all of this crap, is the fact that..... God! He actually thinks that I'm that stupid! I understand that in 2 months, our whole lives are going to be flipped upside down. What's awful is the fact that before all this sh@ was in my damn face, the thought of it turned my stomach. Don't get me wrong, it still does. But, that little voice in the back of my head goes, well, if he can, why can't you? Just once. You know you wanna just do it once. Just one time won't hurt anything. No. See, he can get it out of his system before the little kiddo comes. (not that it gets out of your system) But, I can't. It must be fu@ %ng nice to be him. I've bitched enough. Have a good night. I'm going to go dwell on the fact that theres good stuff hidden in this house and I can't partake in the goodies. But, the one that helped me get this way can do whatever the hell he wants, cuz he's not hurting anyone. Right?
TnSkye	Re: Ok	#7	[-]
Posts: 8031 (02/22/07 12:30) Co-Admin&Dopeless Hope Addict Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	*Quote:* He actually thinks that I'm that stupid! I never did meth, but I knew all the lies and tricks too. I spent years saying the same thing-I'm not that stupid!! You have got to find some way to stop resenting him. There's a good chance you will end up using just to spite him and then you'll be back on that merry go round again. This isn't a drug that you can do just once, for ole time's sake, or have any kind of control over. He doesn't have any consequence of his using that he can see. As king of his world, you are just bytching and spoiling his buzz. His health, job, your lives and the baby are not yet consequences. He has no reason to quit. --Just saying, this is likely how he is thinking. You can't control him or what he does. All you can control is you and your actions. I really wish you would take steps in order to remain clean after the baby gets here. Coming here and venting is a huge help, I'm sure, but we can't teach you what your triggers are and how to avoid them and what to do when you encounter them. We can't teach you the things that you would learn in meetings or therapy. Ok, well, I've run out of things to say....... When I was about 7 months pregnant, I was walking from a dark room through the doorway and my husband was coming in. It scared me to death and scared the baby and she jumped. I told hubby that I thought the baby was going to jump up my throat. She always had hiccups and scratched me all the time. Very strange feelings. Lisa crystalrecoverycommittee@yahoo.com meth_no_more@yahoo.com
morganmist	Blah.....	#8	[-]
Posts: 8 (02/25/07 07:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	So, can't write much, gotta go to work in about 10 minutes. We're fighting non-stop. It sucks, cuz I've only got 9 weeks to go, and I don't wanna pop early, with all of this stress. It's great that this is all happening RIGHT NOW, as I'm already an incredibly sensitive person, but add all of these damn hormones, and you've got on freaking psychotic lady on your hands. LOL even tho it's not that funny. Okay, gotta go. by everyone.
TerryCa	Re: blah	#9	[-]
Posts: 3615 (02/25/07 14:24) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	Hi Morgan It is so exciting to feel the baby move and tickle the inside of you huh. Imagine a new life that you NOW and after his birth will help form his life! It's exciting and amazing rediscovering life through the eyes of your child! Sobriety will allow you to see and feel the wonders of being a mother as well as a child. I think Lisa is right, you need to work on YOU, what triggers you to use. And man, I would tell your s/o he's got to quit and get rid of it, not have it around so you don't use to. And also, tell him to stop NOW because you won't allow it when the baby is around him, whether is has used somewhere else, is high and has it around the house. You know, don't be envious of your s/o. He is lost in the drugs and you want to join that? He will quit when he dam well feels like it. Your baby isn't asking to be born into a drug using/abusing home. You have been given this opportunity to be a mommy. I would take it seriously, as so many others cannot have children and would love to change places with ya. Kudo's to ya for absteining. What's your next step? Hope and hugs to ya, Terry Mother of 2 girls
morganmist	YAY	#10	[-]
Posts: 8 (03/05/07 12:21) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts Report Post	So... It's been a few weeks, and he hasn't used at all! I'm so happy, and his moods have equalized. Thank God. I want to type more... but, my moms coming to get me. :0) Thanks for all the support and stuff. P.S.-- We got a crib and tomorrow we're setting up the room for the little girl, who will be here (hopefully) in 7 weeks. I'll be 32 weeks as of tomorrow. Lord.... I'm scared!

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